it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
