took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
