it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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