My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
we should paint friendship bongs
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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