We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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