I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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