Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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