exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Text me some of your sweat
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
