he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i out mim tonsoeep
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