then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I want to make a zoo with you.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
