Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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