Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
