no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
