I met the friendliest cop last night
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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