Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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