I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize
