she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
