I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
