I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
