He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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