Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
