Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
