I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
