And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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