she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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