Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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