The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
