her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
