how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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