woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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