Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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