Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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