I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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