My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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