I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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