drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
