She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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