My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
