he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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