when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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