Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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