You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
