I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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