is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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