Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize