i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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