You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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