I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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