Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
