my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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