Where is the hickey?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
