Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
