Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
