Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
