Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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