So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
