she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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