tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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