he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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