I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
