My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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