Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
