I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
