I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
