It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
