Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
