Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
