i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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