last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
