Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
