I hate all girls vehemently.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
