just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Drunk is not a location!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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