So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
