he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
