And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
