were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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