3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
