fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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