my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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