i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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