just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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