I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
