yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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