You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
