oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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