Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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