This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
