he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
