My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Randomize
