Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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