i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
