He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
