boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My boob is missing a layer of skin
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize