shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
