Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
