my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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