You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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