oh god the rape fog is back!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
