i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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