Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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