i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
