No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize