Me. At least after what I've been through.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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