Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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